There are few thinks I dislike more than stratification and separation of people based on our differences when, in fact, we humans are all way more alike than we are different. It drives me bonkers that of all our similarities, we put our differences under a magnifying glass and say, “see how different we are – like we’re from different planets” when the differences are small, but magnified. The more we focus on them, the bigger they appear in our lives.
More recently, brain research has shown that there are differences in how mens’s brains and women’s’ brains work. But it’s the interpretation of what these differences mean that highlights our differences.
The human genome shows that are about 1.8% different and 98.2% the same. Yet, for many of us, our experiences tell us otherwise. And of course, what’s in the 1.8% can (and/or does) have a huge impact. If you dilute olive oil with a little grape seed oil, you wouldn’t notice. But if it was habanero chili oil, boy would you notice. So, what’s in that tiny genetic difference between men and women may have a large effect… or a small effect. I just don’t think we know because we’ve never played on a neutral playing field. In short, some differences, although small, can have an enormous impact, while at the same time, the impact is often relative to our own experiences.
There is an old saying that “worrying is like praying for things you don’t want to happen” or “energy goes where attention flows.” Culturally, we’ve put our attention on our differences, so it’s what we see. And because of that, we’ve created neither true nor inherent problems, but problems that we’ve created. And though we’ve created them, they are still very real – but we can un-create and transform them.
I don’t think there’s a right or a wrong here, though I do believe we’ve come a long way and have access to information, ideas and assumptions that generations past haven’t had. And we need to use that to move forward, not backwards. So we must ask questions with openness, to look for better questions, not firm answers. We need to explore – not to be right (or wrong), but to find out in what ways we are blind and following false lights.
If I keep growing and exploring, eventually I will find ways which my “truths” are also false. I hope that through exploration we don’t arrive at the answer, but pave the way for future generations to arrive there – or get closer. Because I will never be there.
Though we are, at our core, so very very much alike, we do have differences. And we need to spend time discerning what is actually different so we can honor those, explore with curiosity and share with each other, learn and grow. And then let the others fall by the wayside. We need to weed out what is a product of our cultures, origins, and social structures that have worked so hard (and successfully) in highlighting our differences such that we have come to say that ‘men are from mars and women are from Venus.” Folks, we’re all from the same planet!
Let’s be open. Let’s explore! I believe engaging with curiosity will help us be happier, will help us listen into others, and then into ourselves.